A Nos Amours [1983]

Here’s to the most important man in our life. Whether a dominant father or an absent one, his being and actions impact on us deeply and makes us the person we are today. He is the template of all the qualities we expect in a man and no-one ever comes close to matching him. Shared characteristics and physical features are born with pride – and yet when we reflect his lesser pleasing traits, our fight to eradicate them is futile. We are his and we are blood, forever and inextricably linked.

In our youth, he is like a God, infallible. Yet when we grow older and notice his faults and weaknesses, only his vulnerability strengthens the love one feels towards him. His support is elevating ; his disappointment brutal. His is a cruel love, hard won but utterly fulfilling when received. No matter our age, we still look to him for guidance and reassurance. He is truly unique and irreplaceable. Happy Father’s Day Dad.

There are many great films which feature the complicated theme of paternal love but I thought I’d end this post with a scene from Maurice Pialat’s ‘A Nos Amours.’ It is 1am in the morning, Sandrine Bonnaire (the daughter) returns home after spending the night with her lover. Pilat (her father) fearful of his daughter’s emergence as a woman decides to have a frank discussion with her. This scene is delicately handled – they are frank with one another through their body language and eye contact but coy in their dialogue – both aware of the inevitable, imploding reality which will affect them both but hesitant to openly acknowledge it. This is the seismic shift when a father sees his daughter as an adult for the first time and a daughter sees a father who is flawed. This is a beautifully tender and soft scene – with great affection pulsating throughout.